Self Esteem and Lost Generations

 

My inquiry into the relationship between Indigenous American and Eastern spirituality offers me the Medicine Wheel, a holistic symbol of peaceful interaction between all living beings on Earth.  It complements the Eastern teachings of the nature of causality, continually changing and conditioning each other in its interconnections in the web of life.  

I use these teachings to introduce our humanity, fallibility and vulnerability - the impermanence and the dance between chaos and order - into my work in modern organizations conditioned for competition and perfection in the “machine metaphor”.    

This is because we have been “educated from birth to compete, judge, demand and diagnose” according to the founder of Non-Violent Communications, Marshal Rosenberg.   Naturally, it breeds negativity and inevitable conflict.    

I weave Eastern and Indigenous American wisdom together to facilitate Conflict Resolution training programs as I invite participants to cast a reflective mirror on self first, in dealing with “difficult people”.  There is no magic-bullet or a 3 step process to deal with a difficult person, as we have no control over anyone else’s emotions, but we do have control over ours.  That is emotional intelligence.  

At the same time, we know that we do influence each other’s moods and emotions through the ether and that too requires self-awareness, mindfulness and relationship intelligence.

Emotional, relationship and social intelligence can be developed through mindfulness practices and traditional rituals. This goes to our spiritual journey, to be centered and grounded and self-aware for self-mastery - to be skillful in our daily interactions. We acknowledge and accept our differences and realize that conflict is normal and even neutral, as it is we who will energize it with our emotional response.     

A Revelation

As I was getting to know the participants of the December 2014, Conflict Resolution course in Ottawa, it was serendipitous to have a First Nations participant, Tracy Lavallee, a Plains Cree woman in the program.

She experienced a revelation as we focused on self-mastery to work through the connection between a healthy self-esteem and the way we approach conflict.  Self-esteem is one of the five fields of Emotional Intelligence[i].  She was intrigued by the origins of our foundational self-esteem through nurture of our parental and familial love.  

Nature also plays a part, through our physical and biological health and well-being, to varying degrees.  The “Atma Shakti”[ii] - the power of self - the inner strength and resilience that we bring to life from birth also complements nurture from those significant loved ones.

Self-esteem is defined as how we value ourselves, perceive our value to the world - how valuable we think we are to others through the feedback we get. Self-esteem affects the way we live, how we trust ourselves and others in our relationships. 

Self-esteem defines our self worth and confidence, develops from a foundation of unconditional love and compassion, the nurturing first, from our Mother or a loving caregiver – the touch, the voice, the nourishment from breast milk and then the care of the extended family in safe surroundings – all this is an intrinsic part of the nurture that balances with nature.

Low self-esteem - feeling unworthy, incapable and incompetent - is debilitating and can keep us from realizing our full potential.  Low self-esteem can perpetuate itself even to progeny and the cycle can continue.  So the root causes of low self-esteem can be a lack of love, nurturing and acceptance in early stages of our lives into our late teens and it continues.

Tracy and I inquired into the implications when this critical nurturing is taken away, as when the First Nation-Aboriginal children were being removed from their homes and placed in residential schools.

For Tracy, this learning was empowering as Aboriginal communities are judged and stereotyped for their waywardness.  She saw possible root causes for the disconnect, despair and the inner violence stemming from a lack of this basic human need for familial love, which, for the most part, was denied when children were plucked away to the residential schools.

Tracy's Story

Tracy related her heart wrenching story of the capture of her own mother and aunt by missionaries while walking home and taken away in a cattle truck.  Her mother never spoke of this traumatic experience and she pondered on how those scars would have affected her mother in the way she would struggle to nurture her own children. 

Tracy, as a result, spent most of her childhood with her grandparents, who were also scarred by the experience, but gave her the love and attention.

Tracy’s aunt had been open to share how she, the younger of the two, remembered vividly - clinging onto her elder sister in terror as they were driven away.

I can only imagine the trauma of this experience and how this would spiral into a deep sense of despair.      

Tracy found her confidence to earn a law degree and find balance in her life, yet dismayed by much of her people being stuck in a cycle of despair. Gaining this insight about self-esteem enables her to articulate some of the possible root causes for their plight. This empowers Tracy to seek more focused ways to continue her good work for transformation, even as mainstream Canada judges Aboriginal people at a very superficial level without realizing the deeper causes.    

As Canada learns this different history and builds bridges of empathy and understanding, these root causes for the current situation for many communities – the lack of confidence, the self abuse and a lack of direction for many, cannot be ignored.

Empathy for Feelings and Needs

The way to build bridges of understanding is through empathy. We accept that an entire society’s emotions have been scarred.  

Many emotional needs would have been deprived for these stolen generations – the need for affection, acceptance, belonging, closeness, community, companionship, compassion, connection, comfort, empathy, inclusion, intimacy, love, nurturing, respect, security, safety, stability, support, trust, warmth, choice, freedom, independence, privacy, physical well-being, peace of mind, harmony and more. 

Imagine the feelings that would have arisen – feelings of despair, anguish, fear, loneliness, melancholy, sorrow, exhaustion, anger and the violence that would have resulted in these young minds, leaving them perplexed and confused.  

How can we expect their self-esteem to be in tact?.  

How can we then judge them on the same scale?.

There would have been some who had the inner strength to cope in resilience.  Some may have even thrived when they had caring teachers and administrators in these schools.  We realize these are few and far between from the hearings of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission of Canada.

Building Bridges with Empathy

Building bridges without prejudice, we acknowledge the past, but not to feel guilty, as it was then, with a dominant culture of the colonist, the misguided notion of Manifest Destiny, the racial superiority, led them to believe that the Natives were savage heathens that needed to be saved.   

That was then, and now in an interconnected, globalized, more enlightened world, we take positive action to build bridges, make amends to reconcile.  To do this with authenticity, we have to build trust by communicating empathy.

For a multicultural and a plural Canada, which welcomes immigrants to its circle in the same Aboriginal spirit the Europeans were welcomed in the 16^th century, the Medicine Wheel symbolizes the harmony and connection, for peaceful coexistence of such diverse cultures.  It helps us to find a balance between a focus on the individual, material and hierarchical to one in community, aligned with nature in the living system of the circle. 

The power of balance then comes with amity between our rational, emotional and spiritual intelligences, as we make amends to reconcile a past that developed through domination of one over another to a new enlightened path based on mutual respect for mutual benefit.

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[i] Five Fields of Emotional Intelligence – Self Esteem, Listening, Self Expressing, Coping with Anger, Self Disclosure – Sage Training Australia – Robert Vanderwall

[ii] Atma Shakti – in Sanskrit is Power of Self or our Spiritual Energy

Getting to know the Neighbors: A Walk for Solidarity from Chelsea to Kitgan-Zibi, Quebec

I felt privileged and excited about my first visit to a First Nations reserve – Kitigan-Zibi, as we walked with my Chelsea, Quebec friends.  Trekking along the old rail track from near the town of Messine and Farley Road, it was serendipitous to see a big Golden Eagle perched atop a tree looking at us.  This was a good omen, as the visit was about building bridges between neighbors - long since broken from when the Europeans arrived in the 1600s. 

The struggle for respect, acceptance, recognizing their land claims and reconciliation continues for many 1^st Nations, Inuit and Metis communities in Canada.

“We wanted to express our solidarity with them and to demonstrate in a concrete way that some people are indeed listening”, said Janet Intscher, the co-organizer of the walk.

Building bridges was what these Chelsea friends, Sue Bramley, Janet Intscher and others including Chelsea Mayor Caryl Green were doing when they planned the visit to their First Nations neighbour to their north.

Janet and Sue had put much effort to plan this walk – first as a 5 day trek from Chelsea to reciprocate the Nishiyuu Walkers - the six Cree youth and two guides who walked 1,600 kms from the remote village of Whapmagoostui, Quebec on the shores of the Hudson Bay in March 2013.   Chelsea gave the Nishiyu walkers a rousing welcome to their surprise.

Inspiration from the Documented James Bay Cree History 

The Chelsea community was inspired to build bridges after seeing a documentary series produced by Robert Chitty and the Gordon Group - an Ottawa based marketing firm - at the Meredith Centre for the first time. 

The series aired over a few weeks, educated a several hundred Chelsea and the Ottawa residents about how Eeyou Istchee ("People of the Land" in Cree), the James Bay Cree community had an epic battle for over 30 years with the Quebec government who wanted to change the direction of the rivers for hydro electric projects. 

The Warm Welcome at Kitgan-Zibi 

Due to complexity of the logistics for a 5 day trek, the Chelsea team settled on a walk for a few hours for now with a longer trek planned for later.

The anticipation and excitement of the twelve walkers was palpable at the Kitigan-Zibi Cultural Centre. The building was impressive and the gardens well kempt in contrast to the rustic images I had in mind.

We were welcomed to the circle by an elder with a traditional prayer thanking the creator and blessing the visit.

We settled into a sumptuous meal including Moose pate and Partridge pasta and taken on a historical tour of the intricate display windows by wonderful story tellers, Rene Tenasco and Brenda Odjick.  

Each pane gave an account of their rich history, the culture, traditions and many tales of creation which pointed to our oneness with nature. 



Faith Decontie, a confident and self assured young woman  of Anishinabeg and Nakota (Saskatchewan) lineage introduced a short documentary she produced asking a host of young people - what it means for them to be Anishinabeg. 

The smart, assertive and articulate young people in the documentary responded as to what it meant for them to be Anishinabeg - defies many of the stereotypes we hear in the media. 

Faith has a degree in Anthropology and plans to do her Masters at Carleton University in Ottawa in the fall of 2015.  She has a deep interest in learning about different cultures and proud of her own heritage. 

Faith has demonstrated her passion already in a previous short documentary called Pow Wow Family where she shows their heritage of dancing to feel a strong connection, to be moved by the energy, to become one with self and to be grounded.  http://www.wapikoni.ca/movies/ni-ka-toten. 

Faith and the young people she portrayed in her second documentary gave us a window to Canada’s future as Aboriginal population is growing by 20% as opposed to non aboriginal people (about 5%) according to Statistics Canada (Aboriginal Peoples in Canada: First Nations People, Metis and Inuit, National Household Survey, 2011).

With his quiet and confident air about him, Chief Gilbert Whiteduck introduced himself and his community to us as we sat at the edge of our seats, listening to every word he spoke.  He is passionate about his community, the land, the water, education, and his work to bring justice to his people. 

Chief Whiteduck was not a victim of residential schools. Instead he went to a provincial school so he learned the “mainstream” system and culture.  He complemented this education by learning from Elders about his own culture and traditions. He has served his community for over 40 years, mostly as an educator and he sees education as key to bringing back esteem and confidence of, especially the new generation.    

Kitigan-Zibi is one of the ten communities that make up the Algonquin Nation. The reserve was created in 1853 and has about 46,000 acres of land. About 2,900 are members with 1,600 living on the reserve.

In the late 1800s there was a strong push by settlers and lumber barons to have the members surrender about 50% of the community.

According to Chief Whiteduck, the Kitigan-Zibi Anishinabeg have endured centuries of lies and thievery by governments and individuals wanting to take the little land they hold. That is why they do not trust government. He spoke of his frustration in dealing with governments that are dismissive and disrespectful, not recognizing the rights over their ancestral lands.

He is passionate about their attachment to the land as core to their identity and birthright as he says, "the land will always look after them".

The concept of owning land as a commodity has always felt foreign, as doing so goes against their values. That is why they oppose the privatization of reserve lands as that legitimizes the present system.

Kitigan-Zibi, does not suffer the ravages of many of the farther communities, perhaps due to its proximity to Ottawa and the lineage of the likes of the popular and effervescent former Chief William Commanda, who led the community from 1951 to 1970.  Chief Commanda avoided the residential school by hiding in the bush for long periods of time as a child and endured much poverty and hardship, perhaps attesting to his and his community’s creativity and resilience.

Chief Whiteduck welcomed the guests graciously as friends to the nation and expected this friendship will grow. He reiterated that their work is to protect their environment and nature not only for them, but for all Canadians, as we share this bounty together. 

The historic visit left us all invigorated and inspired. It prompted the Chelsea Mayor Caryl Green to commence a ceremony to lay a foundation stone for a building the next day by “acknowledging the unceded Algonquin lands they are on”. That gesture should set a new precedent for Chelsea.

Perhaps this is a beginning of a long friendship on equal ground with mutual respect, which may inspire others to do the same, as in friendship, we may find much more in common than what may divide us.

We may also become sensitive and have empathy to the plight of the many more communities that are not as fortunate as Kitigan-Zibi. Coming out of our comfort zones to find common ground, we realize there are complex root causes for the disconnect, the disparity and despair that exists in many indegenous communities.

  

The Difficult History

 

Carleigh Baker, a Métis writer from Vancouver reviewing John Ralston Saul’s book The Comeback in Globe and Mail (5^th December 2014) wrote, “If you focus on the behaviour of our government (and you’re not Aboriginal) you may feel guilty about how Canada was built.”

Saul recognizes our collective guilt about our colonial past and neo-colonial present is interfering with Canadians’ ability to see the future.  

Saul said at his book launch in Ottawa this fall - “We will not realize our Canadian identity until we establish an authentic national narrative. This narrative is built on the role of Aboriginal people, not the false, Eurocentric models of biological superiority defined by crap “science” like social Darwinism and Manifest Destiny”.

Getting together may enable us to collectively influence the Canadian polity to move away from the paternalistic - charity and punishment – way of dealing with Aboriginal people as one whole, when there is such diversity and difference among 1^st Nations, Inuit and Metis people too.    

This visit to Kitigan-Zibi and meeting an astute leader like Chief Whiteduck and his people shows the absurdity of this old world approach.

Mohawk Elder Janice Longboat told me to use the word Trust rather than Hope, as hope has a hole in it.   

I trust this initiative from Chelsea will add to raising awareness of Canada’s opportunity to create the new balanced narrative, which includes its rich and diverse Aboriginal people. The bountiful Canada may just find more power in that balance to influence and contribute to a much more sustainable world.

Meegwetch.

Photos by Lalith Gunaratne